I know the rule of science that says “all living things must die, it is the circle of life”. But that’s not enough. There has to be more.
Even though one of the most unavoidable things in life, is death. Whenever I think of death, the finality is crippling. And as normal as this phase of life is, nothing prepares you for it. Nothing prepares you for what you are about to feel.
It just hits. It hits you most painfully and unexpectedly and that’s it. Nothing can be done. Your person is gone and you didn’t even get to say goodbye.
It is almost like a thief that creeps up on you at the happiest and most unexpected time in your life and steals what is most dear to you. It steals a part of you that you never even knew existed. It doesn’t only steal your favorite person, it also steals their time.
It breaks you and it just leaves you.
How does the person you cherish most in the world just leave without even saying goodbye? What prepares you for the kind of emptiness you are about to feel? The suddenness is unreal.
When the news hits, it sounds like an expensive joke so you try to laugh it off, then you realize it is not funny. You hope with all your heart that it is not true and there was some sort of mix-up somewhere, but there isn’t.
This is your life now, it is your reality.
You go home and try to just get some rest but it doesn’t feel like home anymore because something is missing. It is your favorite person in the world, you realize that is what is missing and that is when it dawns on you.
How do you live life without someone that made your life so complete?
Everyone else is there to tell you how sorry they are for your loss but it doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t fix it.
The worst part is, the world goes on as nothing happened, everything is going on like it used to. But you are stuck and it’s just you.
Now the house is empty, the silence is loud, you miss the sound of their clumsiness, you start to miss the things you hated about them. In a short while, you start to contemplate your existence.
Eventually, time does what it does best. Time is teaching you how to get on without them but so many questions start to come up.
You start to wonder what happened to all the times you spent together.
And the memories you shared, Does it just eventually go away? Do you wake up one morning and forget the details of their face? the sound of their voice? or their smile that lights up the room?
And what happens to them? Do they just sleep forever or do they cross over to another world to start afresh?. Can they tell how much it kills their loved ones to not have them anymore?
The biggest question always is, are they at peace? So many unanswered questions.
But, I found my peace. I found a man that had an answer to all of my questions.
Amid so much darkness, I found light.
I found a man that gives life. This man gives life to the dead and gives hope to the living.
I found a man that not only showed me that death is not the end but also proved it to me.
So I’m not hopeless after all. I’m happy because I know death is not truly the end. Death is not the end.
I’m happy because even though time is teaching me to move on and even though my memory won’t hold all the times we spent together intact. I’ll see you again. I know I will.
